In Soviet Russia, Job Hunt You

And By That, I Meant America

I was drafting a post about my fledgling job hunt. That’s not the post you’re about to read. But here’s an observation about that term.

Without a doubt, job hunt was crafted by a marketer because it falsely empowers the job-seeker.

When you’re going on your second, third, or sixth-month looking for a job, you’re not the predator – you’re the prey.

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What you’re actually going to read about: how quickly I’ve unraveled.

After two-rounds of interviews, 10-hours of free labor, and 4-weeks of feet-dragging, the one organization daring enough to interview me decided to pass.

And based on the feedback I received, a whopping two-sentences in total, they’re no longer hiring for the role.

So after hundreds of rejections large and small, I am humbled. I now experience again the existential quandary which brought me to my metaphorical knees in the fall of 2018.

Back then, I was on retainer with an enterprise client as a digital marketing consultant – that job defined my consistent, yet humdrum role in the world.

During those 2-years, my client’s day-to-day demands defined my career trajectory. And the moment those demands dried up, much like my abdominal muscles, my career suddenly lacked definition.

I panicked.

I panicked for the same reason I’m at the edge of an ego meltdown today: I felt confident enough to become anything, too afraid of becoming one thing, and too apathetic to want anything other than an escape hatch from my hell loop.

But unlike in 2018, I now lack ambition, and I am sitting here wondering where it went.

I once imagined myself at the top of several hierarchies: entrepreneurs, actors, improvisers, writers, authors, voice-over artists, online educators, software developers, consultants, and even marketers.

Now, I can’t care less for any of it. The more deeply I examine any field, the more vapid it becomes.

Entertainment? A frivolous distraction.

My posts and social media? Digital narcotics.

Software? Purpose-built to replace human interaction.

And marketing? A fancy term for extorting cash at a distance.

None of it worthy and all of it in service to an over-populated, over-indulged, and increasingly meaningless human existence. And after reading a sentence like that, you might think, “well, Stanley’s depressed because he’s failing to find a job.”

I would’ve said the same thing.

I used to think depression was an unfortunate side-effect of life. Today, I understand that depression is our steady-state, and happiness is the outlier.

Given the circumstances under which we live, anyone remaining happy for any amount of time is a miracle we should celebrate. That we suffer modern indignities so well that we can appear normal for any period of time is a remarkable testament to the human spirit.

Depression? That lies at the dead end of many roads.

Happiness? Fulfillment? Meaning?

If you have a map to any of those, please send it over, because somewhere along this voyage, I have lost my way.